Visiting Enat...

So, Saturday we had planned to drive to Adama City (Nazret) to meet Bereket's Enat (mother in Amharic).  You might remember that I was a little concerned about the communication with the driver and social worker, but that turned out to have been for nothing; everyone was more or less where they were supposed to be, when they were supposed to be there.

Bereket woke up sad on Saturday morning.  We had to wake him, so I don't know if it was just that, or if he was worried about the upcoming day, or what.  We had packed his bag with most of his toys, so he would have stuff to do, and of course, he would have heard us say "KVI" a dozen times, so maybe he was worried we were taking him back?  Poor little guy.  He relaxed a lot after Tilahun got here and we had him explain that we were going to Adama to visit his enat, so she could see how big he was getting and say good-bye before he leaves for Canada, but that then we would be coming back to GT together.  (A quick word about Tilahun (though he deserves a post of his own) - he is an amazing 16 year old boy we have met here.  He traveled with us to Adama to act as a second translator, and also a familiar face for Bereket.  We offered to pay him, but he refused, so we will come up with some other way to bless him while we are here.)

The drive to Adama takes about 2 hours.  First, you have to get through Addis, which takes a while in and of itself.  Then you travel about 100 km on a fairly narrow two-lane highway, through several towns.  The countryside was much the same as what we have seen in other parts of Ethiopia, though we noticed there was a significant amount of manufacturing and industrial facilities along the way.  As well, there were numerous greenhouses, selling all sorts of plants and shrubs.  My first thought was, "Who can afford to buy plants?" but of course there are wealthy people, and businesses like hotels and restaurants...

Mom B, I took this picture for you.  I knew if you were here, you would want to stop and see what plants they were selling, even though we couldn't bring any home!

We had decided to have our meeting at the Safari Lodge in Adama, so the driver took us there.  We got there around 10 am, and called the social worker, who was already in Adama with his enat.  He said they would be there shortly, so we went to the restaurant and found a nice table by the pool.  We ordered drinks and waited for them to arrive.

And waited, and waited.  I actually wonder if they hadn't spent the night in one of the smaller towns between her village and Adama.  It was about 11:30 before they arrived.  Thankfully we had brought Bereket's backpack full of stuff for him to do.  There was a playground at the lodge, but I wanted to avoid going there before she arrived, partly so Bereket would still be clean, and partly so he wouldn't be wanting to leave the table to go play when we were having our visit.

Dave and Bereket had just gone on a little walk around the grounds when they arrived.  So then I had to take off to go find them! We made our way back to the table and made our introductions.

Meeting his mother... there are no words, but I will try.  She is a tiny, beautiful woman in her early 20s.  I can totally see the resemblance between her and Bereket.  She was so happy to see Bereket, and I was so glad we had brought him along.  She came with another woman, a lady in her 40s, or maybe 50s, who was introduced as "the one who helped me with the application" so I thought she was some sort of regional social worker.  I was initially a little frustrated because I would ask a question, it would be translated, and then before his enat could even answer, this other woman would interject.  Eventually, I figured out that this lady was his enat's cousin, basically her only family, and someone who had been very significant in Bereket's life.  Her participation in the conversation bothered me less then, but I still sort of wished she would let the poor woman speak for herself a little more! I did feel like as the day went on and his enat became more comfortable, she was quicker to speak, or even to interrupt the cousin to offer more information.

The details of the actual conversation I am going to skip over... I'm still wrestling with how much is my story, how much is her story, how much is Bereket's story... Suffice it to say, she has had a very difficult life, enduring more tragedy in her 22 years than anyone should ever face.  Still, she has a beautiful inner strength that just shines through...

There was one very cool moment, where we all just saw the hand of God so at work in this situation... I actually will tell that story, but another day, as it is getting late, and I am tired.

After we had talked, and cried, and talked some more, we ordered lunch.  While we waited for the food, we walked to the playground so Bereket could play.  I thought his enat would like to see him enjoying himself like that, and she did.  We took some family pictures together and continued our visit.  When the food was almost ready, we went back to the restaurant area.

The food was very good, but there should have been more... I tried to emphasize to the social worker that we should order lots of food, but in the end, we should have ordered more.  I felt like a very poor hostess!  Still, it was nice to share a meal together, and just spend time together.

When they had first arrived, Bereket was so shy and quiet, they asked if he had already forgotten Amharic!  But as the visit went on, he relaxed and would answer their questions directly.  He spent most of the time on Dave's lap, which I think helped him feel secure.

When we were done at the hotel, both his enat and his cousin gave a short "speech", thanking us for adopting Bereket and giving him a better future.  You could tell they both love him very much but believe adoption to be the best option for him.  We also spoke to them, thanking them for the love and care they provided to Bereket, and praying for their futures.  We told them how we would tell Bereket how much they loved him, and how his enat is a strong, brave woman who did a difficult thing out of love.

We drove them to near the cousin's house, and even got to meet one of her daughters.  She embraced Bereket and wished him well.  We took a few more pictures and said our goodbyes.  This was tough.  When Bereket's enat hugged him, I could just hear her whispering to him, trying to poor enough love and blessing into him in 30 seconds to last a lifetime.  I was crying, of course, and the cousin came and said, "Do not cry, this is a good thing.  You are his mother now," which of course just made me cry harder. 

The ride home was long.  Bereket fell asleep for a short time, but then he woke up and just stared out the window at the rain.  I wished I could get inside his little head and know what he was thinking...  Still, he seems just as comfortable with us now as he did before the visit, and I feel like it was a good thing to do.  Having those shared memories of meeting his enat together will give us a starting point for the many conversations we will have about his life before he joined our family.  We were also able to get a post office box number of the cousin's daughter, so we will be able to send letters and photos directly and not have to depend on the agency or orphanage to deliver them.  That is a huge blessing!  

All in all, it was a hard, beautiful day.  If you are adopting, and have the opportunity to meet your child's first family in person, I highly recommend it.