5 years later...

So, if you happened to scroll down to the beginning of this blog, you will see that the original 3 posts are over 5 years old!  It has been a long journey indeed!  In some ways, lots has happened, but in other ways, we were in a "holding pattern" for the past 5 years.

After my optimistic post below that we would be matched in the winter of 2008/09, we obviously were not.  Adoption proposals for our agency slowed to a trickle and we wondered what was wrong.  In July 2009, we received quite a shock when Imagine Adoption declared bankruptcy!  The agency director, and her husband (and her lover) have been accused of misusing agency funds.  As well, they seemed to spend money like it was water, even on "legitimate" things.  I should have known something was up when they mailed us a guide to Ethiopia and a custom-printed kleenex package at the time we began our adoption!  For a time, we thought this was the end of our adoption dream, but adoptive parents across the country rallied together and presented a strong plan to the bankruptcy trustees.  The agency was restructured, all families who wanted to stay on paid new fees, and we again began the process of waiting to be matched.

Our initial request was for siblings under 2 (our SW told us that would be considered up to 35 months).  After many, many months, we learned that the agency was interpreting our request as under 24 months.  This was so frustrating to hear, as obviously, there aren't very many sibling groups, other than twins, that would match this request.  We changed our request to siblings under 3, and continued to wait.

At the time of the bankruptcy, we were family number 6 "in line" for siblings.  We felt like this was a pretty strong position, and did not change to a single child at that time.  Our hearts' desire was for siblings, for a few reasons... first, we really wanted to parent at least 4 children, second, we thought it might be beneficial for our adopted children to have a sibling with shared history, especially since we have two biological children, and third, we weren't sure we would ever afford to adopt again, and adopting siblings was more cost-efficient than adopting a single child, twice.

After the restructuring, referrals began again in Dec 2009.  We noticed it was mostly single proposals, with a few sibling sets now and then.  Most sibling groups were above the age range we had requested.  We began to consider raising our age limit, or opening ourselves to a single child.  Faith and Thomas were older than when we began the adoption process, of course, so adopting a slightly older child did not seem as overwhelming.

We had a hiccup in the spring of 2010.  We were due for an update, and right before we began that, we learned that the ministry in Ethiopia (MOWA) was hesitating in approving adoptive families where there was a history of any mental illness, including depression.  I was treated for post-partum depression after both Faith and Thomas, and this had been mentioned in my homestudy (I included it specifically as an example of how we were proactive in seeking out support when we faced struggles!)  Our agency advised that we wait to do our update until this issue was settled.  After all, with each update costing over $1000, why spend the money if we would not continue to be eligible to adopt.

At this same time, Imagine was undergoing another transition.  The board of directors had determined that because adoptions were not being completed at the rate that was predicted during the restructuring, the "new" agency was not going to be self-sufficient under it's current cost structure.  The plan was to "hire" another agency, Mission of Tears, who would take over the day-to-day operations in exchange for a "management fee".

The timing of this meant that it took a very long time to get a clear answer regarding the whole depression issue.  In the meantime, our file had expired, which meant we were not able to be matched.  This was very frustrating for us!  Finally, we were told that it should not be a problem in our case, and so we began our update.  This update did not go smoothly, and so it was many months "lost" in our case.  Just to give an example of the types of issues we faced, we had to apply for new passports, and my passport picture was rejected!  Seriously.  We just couldn't catch a break...

There were other changes to the program as well.  Ethiopia had started requiring adoptive families to appear for court, which meant two trips, or one extended stay.  The Board of Directors implemented an annual "file maintenance fee", as the agency was again running low on funds.  Keep in mind, they had signed on no new families since the bankruptcy, and so there was no revenue at all, but many expenses.  We understood, but it was still a hard pill to swallow.

In the fall of 2011, it was time for another update, and at this time we did raise our age limit and open up to single children, as well as siblings.We worded our age limit as "Born after January 1, 2007" which kept Faith as the oldest by 2 years, and potentially twinned Thomas.  We thought we would be matched shortly with a single child, as sibling groups were few and far between.

I think it was around this point that we became the "oldest" family with the program.  This was hard, and as happy as I was for those who did receive child proposals, it was hard not to feel like, "why not us?".  The new agency, Mission of Tears (MoT), did not seem to give proposals "in order"... Many adoption agencies don't, but KL/Imagine basically did, so it was a tough change.  The process went from feeling at least a little bit predictable ("we're getting closer") to totally random.  At one point, I actually wondered if they had lost our file!

In November 2012, the director of MoT, and his wife, traveled to Edmonton to meet with families.  We were able to meet Rev. & Mrs. Lewis, and it was nice to put a human face to the "people in charge".  I feel like it was important that they met us, and in hindsight, I wish I would have found a way to make that meeting happen sooner.

We were left with the impression that the program in Ethiopia was slow, but still steady, and that we could expect to be matched soon.  Rev. Lewis was traveling to Ethiopia in December, and he said he would specifically inquire to see if there were any waiting children that met our request.  He asked if we would consider a 6.5 year old boy, and we said that we would, if the child's circumstances/health were suitable.   We left the meeting hopeful that we would hear something when he returned to Canada.

Well, this post has gotten very long, and it's time to put kids to bed, so I will pick up here next time! (Hopefully that won't be 5 years from now!)
~Heather